anyway.

so. this things with katie is really just boggling my mind. like, i don't know how she views all this in HER mind, but to me . . . all this started just a couple weeks after i started school. and not because of school. oh no, rather because i was unable to go get those kids for lunch for a while and then when i finally was able to again, the only greeting i got from katie was a request for some smokes. i felt real loved. haha. not. so basically, we started kinda getting distant and between shit i'd hear from people (which i always hate to listen to) and the nasty things she wrote in her journal about me (which i still am going to need quite some time to come to terms with) i started distancing myself on purpose. not because i stopped caring about katie, oh no, i'd still routinely ask our mutual friends how she was doing and what she had been up to, but i just started putting a little distance between us mostly because i didn't want thigs to get overly nasty and bitter. i think i made the wrong choice as far as that is concerned but oh well, you can't go back and change things. ever. you get to just march forward and make the best of what you can.

so, it was really wierd going to the school again yesterday (after not doing so for absolute eons) and having katie tugging on my sleeve just like she always used to, chock full of her bubbly stories of things that are only bubbly because of certain substances involved. she told me she died over the weekend. like, three times. and i didn't know what to say. that's not cool. sure it might be neat to get to say that you died three times over the weekend . . . but i don't want katie in that situation. it scares me how she outwardly appears to not give a shit about the fragile thing that life is. it scares me a lot. but anyway. i'll be going over to her house later to talk to her. so. we'll see how all that goes.

past. : present. : future.