so i go to bed last night at 1am. which, for me, is incredibly early. that would be like a normal person going to bed at 6pm.

yeah.

so i go to bed.. and i lay there. and lay there. and still sleep does not come, so i lay there.

at 330 i get up and do something for about.. ten minutes. then take a piss and go back to bed. at about 430 i fell asleep.

three hours later.. my alarm went off. time to get up. ooh whee.

so i get up and i get my ass ready to go to court. i pull on my nice green cords and a nice white button down shirt, and i fix my hair all perty and dab on a little makeup so i don't quite look like the walking dead.

when i'm all done getting ready i look in the mirror and realize i look like a junkie. due to my lack of sleep my eyes are all bloodshot, and i just appear vacant in general.

but i go to court.

i pull up to the makeshift courthouse in the community center, to see a sign saying "court closed - friday 11. presendential holiday"

i must've messed the mother fucking memo.

(take THAT, aliteration!)

so now i am sitting here pondering what the fuck i do now. i put my pajamas on, so that seems the logical decision.. oh god, bed sounds so swell.

but.

lately, i have noticed, this constant sinking feeling in my chest. i have noticed that no matter where i am or what i am doing, i feel so helpless and hopeless and i just want to grab everyone by the shirt and implore "what did i do to deserve..??"

and the fact that i feel this way 24/7, not ALMOST 24/7, but REALLY 24/7, i think that says something.

i think it says a lot of something.

i think it says the man has me down, as do you and you and you...... . . .

and while it might be time for me to go back to bed, the time it really is..

is for me to get the fuck out of here.

before i go stark-raving mad.

past. : present. : future.